These last couple of days that my Dad has been home from the hospital have been unsettling for me. I think that’s the right word. When he was in the hospital I had a mission. Make sure he had everything he needed, make sure my Mom was taken care of just generally do whatever needed to be done and it seemed there was always something needing to be done. I’m good with that. I’m good with, here’s what I need you to do and it needs to be done by this time etc. I don’t do good with waiting.
I suppose no one likes to wait. We are just in a holding pattern now. Waiting to go to the Dr., waiting to hear the prognosis, waiting to hear what treatment is available. When we get that information we will know how we need to proceed. I just need a PLAN!!! Wait a minute. I’m not the one who’s sick. I’m not the one who was told that they have a brain tumor. I’m not the one who had brain surgery. Oh, I would imagine the person that received that information would like to know most of all where he goes from here. What’s next, is there chemo, radiation, what is my life going to be like? I just need a list. That’s the way I operate. I need to know everything there is to know so I am well informed and I can plan and know exactly what to do. Meanwhile, my Dad is sitting here with this inside his body. He is the one who is going to have the hardest part of this whole process. I need to slow down and forget about my lists and being so informed that I know exactly what will need to be done each and every day. This is about spending each and every moment that I can with him and making it count. God doesn’t work on our schedule and in all my 44 years he’s never given me a list so I can be prepared for upcoming events and know just what’s going to happen on any given day. Have you every heard that saying, when we make plans God laughs. I’m pretty sure he does. A lot.
As much uncertainty as there is and I’m still pretty sure God’s not going to share his list with me, although he really should I’m a great organizer, there is one constant. This, God did share with all of us and I can write it down on each and every day of my planner and every list I have. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8 That I can count on. Things may change from day to day, minute to minute but he is unchangeable. So I need to embrace the quiet chaos that it is right now and stop scheduling and start being so I don’t miss the moments or the man. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xPzTSpbYmk