Keep Showing Up

To say that these past few years have been challenging would be an understatement. They have been challenging physically, mentally, spiritually, and in any other way that a person can be challenged. I have been waiting to come through the other side of this illness or better yet illnesses so I can start my life again. Although I am remarkably better and I am getting better each and every day, I am not sure I will ever be well. At least my definition of well, which to me is being able to function “Normally” more days than not. I have decided I can’t wait any longer.

In the past two years, my head has been cut open twice to fix a hole in the superior canal in my ear. It’s called Superior Semicircular Canal Dehiscence. Yeah, if it’s weird and strange, and no one has heard of it, you can guarantee it will probably happen to me. It is a hole in the superior canal in your ear that causes a plethora of symptoms from vertigo, nausea, fatigue, migraines, and brain fog. I could go on. Most days, I couldn’t get out of bed. I have migraines separate from this disorder and I suffer from major depressive disorder. I always joke that I am the little fine print in the leaflet you get with your prescriptions. The crazy side effects on the commercials, you may stop breathing, or your arms and legs may fall off. That’s me. For goodness’ sake, I’ve had Covid 3 times. I say all this not so anyone will feel sorry for me. Everyone has their own struggles to deal with, whether they are physical, mental, financial, family discord, addiction, etc. What I want anyone to know who reads this is that you can find hope in whatever struggle you are in.

I will not sit here and tell you I am not so tired of being sick and exhausted as I wake up with a migraine every day of my life. I don’t know what the purpose of that is. It’s just how I have to get through each day. Some days I can deal and muscle through, and some days I can not. I have hope, though. I know that whatever I am going through, God has a future for me. That is one of my favorite scriptures. – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 – That is a promise to me from God. I have to do my part, though. I can’t just sit and wait for something wonderful to land in my lap. I get discouraged not being able to do as much because of my physical capabilities. BUT, God did not say, I have a plan for you as long as you are healthy and get up every day and do what I say and never veer from the path I laid before you. He said he wants me to prosper. The actual definition of prosper is to succeed, to flourish, to be successful. He means me no harm. What a wonderful God! I just need to keep showing up and keep seeking him out. I am going to get it wrong, but I know God is always going to get it right, so that is where my hope and trust need to begin and end.

You may not find my words to be eloquent and I’m sure I won’t be quoted in the history books, but you can find someone who genuinely wants to know how to love people the way Jesus commanded us to love people. You can find someone who genuinely wants to be more like Christ every day. That’s the best I have. I’m sure I will make a mess of it, but hopefully, I can just keep showing up every day and God can turn my mess into something beautiful.