Dust Yourself Off And Try Again

I’m so thankful for my church. I’m so thankful for the people at my church. I have been in a complete spiral probably ever since the protests at the Capital. I decided I didn’t need God’s peace and understanding and would confront the headlines, the people, social media, all of the events going on with my worldly knowledge. I was just so flabbergasted and could not wrap my mind around what I was seeing and hearing. Lies, lies, I know if I post these things the lightbulb will go off and the veil will drop and they will see clearly. So why am I so thankful for my church and the people there? I get the best counsel at my church. Even if it’s not what I want to hear I get the truth. It’s the truth in love though. We all need the truth. We all need the truth in love.

By this morning I was crying about every ten minutes. Why? I don’t know. I think when I decided to go this alone and not let God be my source and let the world be my source of information and what I needed to do, my anxiety level went up and my fear was bubbling below the surface. What actually came out was anger. I usually pride myself in not posting controversial stuff on FB. Nothing to get extremely upset over (at least I think) and then I felt my anger was justified. I did not post horrible hateful things but they were sarcastic and would not serve to facilitate peace. I found myself becoming more and more agitated over the course of this last week. I was unsatisfied, unorganized and was feeling a bit of despair. This is the beginning of the end. Oh my lord, what if I can’t protect the people I love. What if they aren’t really saved? Oh my gosh I need to look at everyone around me and see who needs to be saved! So don’t act like you never have wacky thoughts. I know I’m not the only one. If you don’t, this blog may not be for you. I’m not crazy but ya know.

So this morning when I was counseled I was reminded of spiritual warfare. I was totally humbled when I thought about the scripture and my blog that I wrote about last week. Peace – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27. My husband (Wyatt) likes to tell me FB is from the devil. He is probably right. I think Satan prowls around looking for ways to bring us down and FB sure is a grand place to do that. Pit one of us against another and use our own words against ourselves. I turned right around and let my heart be troubled and I was afraid. I was trying to open the eyes and ears of people who I thought needed fixin. My question this morning was, when are you supposed to speak? When do you say the truth? When do I stand up and say no, wrong is wrong and right is right? You will not make anyone hear or see if they are in a reactive state. I will not do any good or be heard if I am in a reactive state. That is part of what I gleaned this morning. I know that logically. That is what I did though. I put logic aside and understanding when I put God’s peace aside and decided to go at this from my own wisdom. So Satan has enjoyed his week on my FB.

This is such an opportune time for us as Christians to show up or show out. Don’t look now you’re going to screw that up and your going to be right on point. We are human. If at first you don’t succeed, then dust yourself off and try again. (I think that’s a song – Aaliyah). I don’t believe in coincidences or luck. I believe in God. Things come together because of God and I don’t believe todays scripture was a fluke. It was meant to be for today. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Matthew 5:9. I also think God has a sense of humor. Look at this world. How can he not. Did God leave us his peace? Yes he did. Did he call us to be peacemakers? Yes he did. He also called me to put on his armor. If the attack is coming from FB I need to take a break from FB. If the attack is coming from the news, take a break from the news. Cut off the attack. So, I’m dusting myself off and not for the last time.

Peace He Gives Us

This has been an interesting week. I have struggled with all the things that have taken place in our country. I have been fearful at times, calm at others, confused, confident, angry and sad. I’m sure every feeling there is to have I and everyone else in this country have been taking a ride on that emotional roller coaster and would really like to get off. This whole upheaval is going to mess up the second half of my life. Huh?

Yes, that was my thought last night. You people need to get your act together. Can we not just go back to how it used to be. Republicans, democrats, yeah we don’t like each other’s policies but we aren’t drawing a line in the sand and saying, “Don’t you cross it or I’ll rage on you.” I want to yell at the Trump supporters who took an extreme and unlawful position at the Capital. You ruined it for the rest of us. Thanks a lot! Now we are all lumped into this title of “The DC Riots.” Which is an all encompassing unfair title. I want to yell at the media for not reporting the news. They thrive and stay in business off of our fear. They don’t report the facts no matter who’s side they are telling. No matter what network you are watching. I want to yell at the looters from this past year. You know what I have seen change in my town? The name of a High School. That is great but the underlying problems we are talking about are not any better. Burning down property, beating people up and instilling fear in others does not bring us where we need to be. When I think about all this, I just take it all in and I think, we can never go back. We can never fix all this. This is the beginning of the end. Again you people are messing up the second half of my life.

Why? Well I’ll tell you why. I have things mapped out. Wyatt is going to work for so many more years we will be able to travel and enjoy all that we have worked so hard for. We certainly can’t do that if we are having pandemics, burning things down, having riots, looters and protests. We can’t do that if we are in the middle of Revelations. Oh Lord, is Jesus coming back soon. I’m going to miss going to Rome. I knew it. I have wanted to go to Rome forever. Jesus, can you just back things up a bit if you are coming back now. Besides if things are about to blow up and we lose things like our utilities, I don’t do well when I can’t wash my hair. I’m getting ready to cover my porch and add a patio and fire pit outside. Well, I won’t be able to enjoy that. (Throws hands up in the air). Yeah, that’s my insane thoughts. As if God should consider those issues when his plan is being carried out. STOP! Sarah has to go to Rome first. Then! I can darken the sun and the moon and let the stars fall from the sky. I really have to laugh at myself. Those are such selfish thoughts. I have now played the end of the world completely out. I am having an anxiety attack or I’ve taken to much sinus medication. Well maybe I won’t build a patio. If I’m not going to use it then what’s the point. Should I just sit here and wait for things to fall completely off the rails. Then I take a breath and say I don’t know these things. Why am I so afraid. But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. – Matthew 24:36. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27.

It is human nature to be afraid and to think of ones self. At least I think so. I’m not a psychologist but that’s the word according to Wonder Woman. I have to bring it back to Jesus. Which is what I do. Times like this when I’m all these feelings then I have to come to ground. My eyesight also gets blurry to. I start to see things not with God’s eyes but with my eye’s and my eye’s can be very judgmental, hateful and proud. It’s time to bring it to ground. Ground will always be God. I nor does anyone else know when Jesus is coming back. I do not know how bad this chaos is going to get that we are experiencing right now. As far as things going back to the way they were, that’s not going to happen and there are reasons why it shouldn’t. I am certain that Jesus said “Peace I leave with you;” So when I’m checking myself at ground level I know that he says specifically “do not be afraid.” Now I am human so I can’t just shut that off and never be afraid but I have a living God who is never afraid.

I don’t know what to expect in the coming months. God does. I don’t know if I will go to Rome or get to use my patio. Those things are so trivial and ridiculous that they would actually be a concern. When you have anxiety it’s crazy where your mind goes and the onslaught of bizarre thoughts that come at lightening speed. I guess for me this kind of climate can have the power to grab a hold of me and drag me around by my hair and let me know one minute to the next how I should feel or react. I will continually take the power back and not be a prisoner to the fear in this world. I want to grab a hold of the peace he left to me, the peace he gave to me as much as I can.